How Much
by invisible-nobody15
Summary: What was supposed to be a short One-Shot focused on the bond between Kai and Lloyd, but ended up being much longer than intended.


Kai sat on the deck of the _Bounty_ silently, staring off into the distance at nothing in particular. He's been doing that more and more often lately, staring into nothing. It was just what he did when he was bored and was trying his hardest not to do something reckless and stupid in order to quench his thirst for excitement, for adventure.

It was something that he hadn't even known he had, for a while. He'd been forced into the ninja lifestyle, and he always thought it irked him. Honestly, it had at first. When Sensei Wu had first dragged him up to the old monastery, he had wanted nothing more than to go home. Go back to his normal, blacksmithing lifestyle that he and his sister had become so accustomed to.

But he had stayed, even after he had saved his sister. At the time, he told himself that it was just because of the guys. At the time, that had been the only reason. He had felt almost obligated to at least give them a chance, after fighting with them for all of their lives. Then, it became an _actual_ obligation. Simple: he had to help defeat Lord Garmadon.

And he would be lying if he said he wasn't curious about the Green Ninja rumor as well.

He had thought defeating Lord Garmadon would be impossible, or that it would be the biggest challenge of his life. If only he had known how wrong that assumption was. When the Great Devourer came into play, he had considered leaving yet again. This time, it was for much more selfish reasons. He had wanted to leave and take Nya with him, for both of their safety's.

Sensei had explained to all of them his relationship with the Great Devourer. That damn snake had been responsible for Lord Garmadon. All he could think about was how much he _didn't_ want to be near that snake, or any of the Serpentine, ever again. But yet, he didn't leave. He stayed with the team. He needed to see through his mission.

He was determined, then more than ever, to take out not only the snake but Lord Garmadon as well. He just _had_ to be the Green Ninja, didn't he? There was a reason that fate kept making him stay, wasn't there? His mind became set on discovering his true potential. And again, he was proven to come in last. The rest of the ninja got theirs first.

But his was still more special in its own way, for it revealed the Green Ninja to them. Much to Kai's dismay, it wasn't himself. It was the son of the man he hated more than anything. The brat. The whiny, bratty, childish, immature, evil, misbehaving, irrational kid. Looking back, he could see why it had been so unbelievable. Looking at him now…

He hadn't been allowed to stay bitter for long, because the Great Devourer was resurrected. With the help of Lord Garmadon (much to Kai's chagrin) the glorified beast was defeated and the Golden Weapons that the four of them had worked so hard to obtain were gone. And soon after, the Mega Weapon was in its place.

By this point, Kai had realized the guys were his friends. He realized that he cared for them. He felt that he wanted to protect them just like he wanted to protect Nya. He realized that he trusted them with his life and they returned the trust. He was experiencing something he hadn't felt in a while. And then there was the most shocking realization of all. Kai realized that they were more than just friends.

They were brothers.

The Mega Weapon didn't cause much damage, however, before it was taken care of through the help of time-travel (meaning Lloyd, Nya, and everyone else who wasn't with them don't even remember the weapon). The worst thing it did was hyper-age Lloyd. Again, looking back, that had been the turning point. That had been the first decision, the first action, the first _click_ , that made Kai look at the brat like one of them.

Peace as short-lived as Lord Garmadon teamed up with the Overlord. Fuck the Overlord. Though he hadn't been _too_ much trouble the first time, he sure caused them hell and great losses when he came back. But, thanks to Misako's appearance, they made it through the first assault. Without her knowledge, Kai was sure they would have failed.

That prophesied final battle, and the days leading up to it, had stirred up a lot of unwanted emotion in all of them. For Kai, it was having his sister mind-controlled by the evil of Lord Garmadon and the Overlord. Then, it was realizing that his obligation was almost fulfilled. It...seemed strange and it made him feel funny; it made him feel something that he hadn't felt in a long time, though he couldn't identify it.

The conclusion of the battle was completely different to every scenario — win and lose — that they had thought of. Lloyd had unlocked the Golden Power and begun his journey to become the next Spinjitzu Master. His grandfather would be so proud. Lloyd had, by the time the battle came, come to terms with the fact that he was most likely going to kill his father even before he was possessed by the Overlord.

But when he gave his final attack, he seemed super bummed. Kai didn't blame him. As far they knew, Lloyd just had to kill his own dad. It surprised everyone when they heard an old man's voice call to them. The surprise only grew when the man was identified as Lloyd's father, Garmadon. It was strange, seeing him look normal. Not burnt by the Golden Weapons and only having two arms.

After that, things started going wrong. After that, their streak of happy endings was over.

Peace reigned again after that, and Sensei made them teach. Again, Kai was given an obligation and he obeyed it. He hadn't had time to think about that feeling he had before the final battle between Lloyd and his father. The Overlord was back before they knew it, and new challenges awaited them. Both personal and group ones.

His sister had, somehow, managed to form a love triangle. Zane had, somehow, managed to get a crush on a robot girl. And everything, somehow, only got worse from there. It all began with Lloyd losing his Golden Power. Then Tech Wu. Zane's heart surgery ended up impairing his fighting ability, and Nya's love triangle ripped a giant hole in the team.

Though, going to space was an amazing and beautiful experience.

By the end, most things had been sorted out. Cole and Jay's fighting, although not gone, had ceased to a tolerable amount. Lloyd had gotten over the loss of his Golden Power and embraced his Green Power. Wu and Garmadon were fighting _together_ for the first time he had seen. Pythor and had been taken care of once again and the Overlord was destroyed for good.

But all of that had come with a price.

They had lost their friend, their Nindroid, their brother. Zane was gone and it was because the rest of them hadn't been strong enough to defeat him. It was the first time they had actually lost someone to an evil entity, and it was quite the reality check. Though they had all known that it had been a very real possibility the whole time — ever since they became ninja — but they had never thought it would actually happen. Stuff like that never happened to the good guys, right?

The funeral had been out of respect and because they felt they had to. None of them actually wanted to be there for more than one reason. For Kai, it was multiple. For one, it was too sad. He loved the robot like a brother, loved him as if he were a human. Though startling at first, they had adjusted to one of their brothers being a machine and cared for him almost no differently.

The other reason was the guilt. Just like the others there at the funeral — a statue had been built for the brave Nindroid — he felt that there had to be something he could have done to prevent it. There had to be an alternate ending where they all made it out miraculously alive, just like when Lloyd fought the Overlord in Sensei Garmadon's body. To nobody's surprise, his girlfriend hadn't came to the funeral.

His death hit them hard, hard enough to do something Kai had begun to thought — no— had _accepted_ would never happen to them: it tore their team apart. Kai finally had time to think about that strange feeling as, in the passing weeks, the team slowly moved out of the school and went their separate ways. The feeling, he remembered, was similar to when his parents had died. It was an empty feeling; it was a longing.

A longing for what, he didn't know. Well, not at first. But after a couple of weeks had gone by, he figured it out. He had gotten addicted. This lifestyle he had chosen to stay with was like a drug and he was far too deep into the addiction to go to rehab. Without any obligation, he felt lost. For once, Kai had nothing to do. No villain to defeat, no shop to run, no funeral to attend, nothing.

He knew he had to find a way to keep fighting other than the less-than-fun training simulations that Cyrus had made for them. It was a generous idea, and Lloyd took full advantage of it, but...it wasn't enough for Kai. There was a time only a year or so ago that Kai had wanted nothing more than to ditch the guys and go back home.

Now, however, he wanted nothing more than to keep fighting. Keep that adrenaline rush that came with fights for your life and came with an exciting battle. Keep the child-like giddiness that came with the prospect of such a fight. Keep all of it, even if it was selfish. He became determined to find a way to do that and moved out as well, painfully leaving behind Lloyd and Nya.

Somehow, he had picked up some rumors of some underground fighting ring. Some sort of illegal Slither Pit. The prospect of a fight overpowered his common sense — which was telling him to stay as far away from those types of shady places as possible — and went to go check it out. He got there and he was flabbergasted. It _was_ an illegal underground Slither Pit.

He figured he'd watch fights for a couple days and then he'd fight after he saw what it was like. But it was only a matter of twenty minutes before he stood up from the stool he was sat on and found the guy in charge. Ten minutes later, he was fighting. He was up against a Fangpyre, who's eyes widened in fear when he saw Kai. He figured the Fangpyre must have been one of Garmadon's top snakes.

It didn't take Kai very long to beat the snake, much to the anger of many there. Most of them disliked humans and had bet against him. A proud smile crossed his face. The fighting...it was refreshing. He liked it. He found a new place to fight and a new goal to achieve. He wanted to be the most feared fighter in the place.

It took him less than a week of fighting in that place to start hearing what was really happening. It wasn't just illegal fighting and gambling, but all kinds of underage drinking and drug sales. It was a nasty place, the type of place that told parents told their kids to avoid. This certainly wasn't his type of place. He wasn't some hood or anyone like that.

Kai, although he had his arrogant and bad-boy moments, was a good guy. He looked after his little sister after his parents had died. He became a ninja and fought for the side of good, even though it would have been just as easy to join Garmadon and the Overlord. He tried his hardest to help Lloyd through the tough transitions he's had even though he resented the kid. Kai wasn't a bad person.

But he found himself in a terrible place. He had been attracted to it in one of the lowest points in his life. Zane's death had left a hole in his life that he didn't know the Nindroid had filled and he didn't even have anything to distract him from it. The temptation was too much for his fragile mind. And there he was, surrounded by a place that made grandparents cry.

He did achieve his goal. Everyone there soon knew his name and what he was capable of. They knew he knew Spinjitzu and had the power of Fire. They knew that he had won almost all of his matches. They knew he was dangerous. And, unfortunately, they knew he was somebody that you didn't want to approach. He was somebody you just _couldn't_ have a conversation with.

He'd never admit to the ninja, but he wasn't totally innocent. He was desperate for money. The others had gotten good paying jobs, as far as he had heard from little they had said before they left. Kai, however, made his living from gambling. Not a very steady pay. So he took a couple of jobs; he was the middle man in a couple of illegal transactions. He was careful to avoid anything _too_ terrible because the last thing he wanted was to be arrested.

And he swears, he only tried a couple of the drugs available down there.

Kai had gotten used to his new lifestyle yet again, or at least that's what he told himself. He may have gotten used to it, but it didn't give him the happiness and brotherhood that the last life-transition had given him. A part of him wished he had never gotten involved in that place. But he was much too deep in to climb out.

He was sitting at the counter one day, drinking some juice. It was one of his busier days of fighting, and he couldn't risk losing his matches — and therefore the money that would pay for what little dinner he would have — by getting drunk. So when Lloyd showed up that day, he was surprised for more than one reason.

The first was how the kid knew about that place. It was exceptionally shady and Kai hadn't even heard about it until he heard rumors in a bar in a back alley of the darker side of New Ninjago City. How in the world would the much-too-innocent Lloyd Garmadon know about such a place? And what if someone had seen him come? Or if someone there corrupted him, or gave him something, or spiked his drink, or-

The other reason, Kai realized, was much funnier. The first thing the kid had pointed out when he showed up was the juice that Kai was drinking. That explained a lot. Lloyd's words revealed that he knew this place was no good, but had _no freaking idea_ how bad it was. To him, it was just some random fighting ring. Nothing illegal.

Lloyd's offer to leave had been more than tempting to Kai. But he didn't think he could go back and look the others in the eye, if they were even there. But he did go. There was a chance he could be happy again, that they could be a team again. That was more than enough to make Kai show up at Chen's Noodle Shop that day.

The others had been there and he quickly noticed that not as much had changed as he initially thought. He came clean and sober and wore a real smile on his face when he saw his friends. Everything spiraled out of control again from there. The topic of... _replacing Zane_...even came up. Then they had fought Chen's goons (they hadn't know that at the time) and Kai realized something great.

He wasn't the only one. He wasn't the only one who missed fighting. He wasn't the only one who fighting had been ingrained in his blood. He wasn't the only one who could never truly give up fighting and saving people. He wasn't the only one… He saw the smiles on his brother's faces as they fought together again, and how their personalities came back when they entered their element; saving people.

And he wasn't the only one who noticed, either. Lloyd had pointed out how much fun they were having, asking them how they had tried to give it up. Soon enough the thugs were running out the back and, because they never could leave things as is, they chased after them...only to fund a shrine behind Ninjago's most famous food chain.

It didn't take them long to notice the small, creepy shrine was for Zane. Surprising as that was, it shouldn't have been. People all over Ninjago were mourning the loss of the White Ninja. It was after they read the poster, however, that Kai figured that his assumption about the day was true: This whole day really had been too good to be true, it all must have been a dream.

Apparently, Zane was alive. Apparently, Zane had survived the self-destruction.

The rumors turned out to be true and they found him on Master Chen's island. But, of course, Chen just _had_ to be a psychopath after their elemental powers (which they had learned were from their parents). And Kai just _had_ to have a crush on his daughter. Of. Freaking. Course. But nonetheless, after betrayal and all kinds of complicated alliances they managed to get off the island.

The did manage to defeat Chen's Anacondrai Army, but it was at a great price yet again. They lost Garmadon. He wasn't even sure how to handle that. They got Zane back though, which filled him with indescribable joy. They had the Titanium Ninja on their team. His new body was awesome as well, and his girlfriend now lived, technically, in his head. Odd, but Kai didn't dwell on it. Zane was always odd and that's part of why they love him.

Nya resolved her love triangle issue. Cole gave in and said that she was Jay's. Cole even admitted that he should have back out of it a long time ago. They stopped fighting and have even managed to regain their best friend status. But despite all that, Nya seemed very... _against…_ having relationships, going as far as to say on public television that she didn't want to stereotype herself by having one. But that came later.

Peace reigned again, but Sensei's tea shop has given him that sense of obligation that kept him rooted. Disaster struck soon after when Wu's old student, Morro, had returned from the Cursed Realm and possessed Lloyd. Without him, beating Morro and saving the Realm Crystal was nearly impossible. Not to mention that their elemental powers were gone.

The did, however, learn Airjitzu. And Kai was positive that flying was the coolest thing he had ever done. Either that or going to space. Both felt very freeing and gave a sense of awe. Thing is, they can now do Airjitzu whenever they want to thanks to Cole. He gave up his humanity in order to learn the lost martial art. He was still "alive", but he wasn't alive. He was just a ghost.

And this all happened while Lloyd was fighting the possession of the Master of Wind. Kai felt _horrible_ about it all. He has really come to care for the kid like a little brother. He had tried to take him under his wing when he became the Green Ninja and felt protective over the blonde. He was Kai's best friend, as ironic as it was. Kai hated the brat with a passion, and now he loved the kid like his brother...especially after Garmadon was banished to the Cursed Realm, Kai really stepped up to take his place for Lloyd.

But now Garmadon was dead, down with the Preeminent, and Nya was an Elemental Master…the latter being food for thought at a later time. He could have a whole other crisis just on that one issue. But she always had Jay to protect her, now that they were officially together again. He didn't know how it happened, but Nya learned Airjitzu out of nowhere (he was positive that she hadn't know it ten minutes prior) and her and Jay were back together for what seemed like no reason and completely out-of-the-blue.

Though, Lloyd was now a Sensei-in-training thanks to Garmadon's death.

But here he was, standing on the deck of the _Destiny's Bounty_ , staring off at nothing. It was peace yet again and, again, Kai yearned to fight again. But this time, grief wasn't clouding his judgement. He knew that the underground Slither Pit was a place to be avoided. Plus, even though he desperately wanted to fight, he was content with just hanging out with his brothers. He's not sure why he wasn't last time.

He was so caught up in his own train of thought that he didn't hear the footsteps walk up behind him and join him by the railing. It was the voice that caught his attention. "What are you staring at?"

Kai shrugged, not bothering to look over at him. Sure, he cared about him. Sure, he felt it was his job to protect him. But he still felt the lingering awkwardness ever since that one time… "Nothing in particular. Just kinda staring."

They both fell silent, the latter enjoying the quiet and the former itching for excitement. It wasn't until the man next to him spoke up that the conversation continued. "You're going to stay on the _Bounty_ , right? Even though there's no one to fight and no where to work?"

Kai shrugged again. Apparently his pattern was obvious, because he had picked up on it. He sighed. "There's gotta be something wrong with me, right?"

"What?" He explained. "I wasn't accusing you or-"

Kai silenced him with a laugh. "I wasn't saying you were. I was stating it as a fact. There's no way that any person in their right mind would get _addicted to fighting_."

"I am."

That caught Kai off guard. He hadn't known where the conversation was going, but he hadn't thought it was going there. "You? I don't think you understand quite what an addiction is, kid. You think you do, but you don't."

The other man ran his fingers through his hair. "Maybe you're right. But it does hold a special place in my heart. I love protecting people."

"Lloyd," he began, "you had other creatures fight _for_ you before you became the Green Ninja."

Lloyd nodded. "I know, but I was still a little kid back then. I'm older now and I can fight for myself and for others."

Kai shook his head. "Man, kid. You're either naive as shit, a complete moron, the strongest person on this boat, or all three." When the only response he received from the blonde was a confused glare, he elaborated. "Let's take all the crap you just spewed one sentence at a time, Greenie."

Lloyd smiled and nodded. "Sure thing, Hot Head."

"First off, do you know what an addiction is?" Kai asked. "Like, what it actually is?" Lloyd opened his mouth to speak, but shut it and shook his head. "I looked up the 'definition' of it one day after I had joined that ring. 'The fact or condition of being addicted to a particular substance, thing, or activity.' That's what the definition said. It's correct, but it's not complete. There's more it it than that."

"There is?"

Kai nodded. "It's...being 'addicted' to something means that you can't live without it, and I'm not talking about all that love shit either. I mean that you could get physically sick without it. Like if you're addicted to caffeine, you'll get bad headaches if you don't get more of it. If you're addicted to drugs, you could be violently sick or worse or less. If you're addicted to fighting, you'll be antsy all the time and nothing will satisfy you until you fight someone." Kai took a breath. "It's hard to explain."

"How do you know all that? Who'd you hear it from? That information sounds first or second hand." Lloyd asked accusingly. If Kai had a source to rat out, he was almost positive that Lloyd would go put him in jail. Thank goodness Kai didn't have to put someone else through that. Only himself.

"I, uh...I already told you that I'm addicted to fighting. I started off as a blacksmith and I was content with it. Then those stupid skeletons had to get involved…" he trailed off, clenching his fists at his sides,

Lloyd shook his head, zipping up the blue (yes, despite being the Green Ninja, not every piece of clothing he owns is green) sweatshirt he had on. Now that the sun was almost completely hidden behind the horizon it was growing chilly. "There's more that you aren't telling me."

Kai sighed as Lloyd placed a hand on his shoulder and smiled. It was no wonder that Lloyd could make friends so easily, he was just the type of guy you can't help but like. "I was...involved in a few illegal things in the Slither Pit. Nothing too bad!" He shouted at Lloyd's shocked expression.

"It doesn't matter how bad it is. That doesn't sound like the Kai I know, like the Kai I befriended. Like the Kai I admired." Lloyd ripped. "What happened down there? What did you do?"

Kai shrugged and moved his gaze back out to the colors of the sky, the sun no longer visible. "Not much. I was the middle man for some stuff. I'd pick up deliveries or go to negotiations. It's not like I made the stuff or anything like that."

"Used it?" Lloyd asked accusingly. Kai couldn't bring himself to look the younger Garmadon in the eyes. He couldn't do anything but stare at the wood of the _Bounty_ 's floor. After a long while, the beautiful reds and oranges of the sky were gone, Kai simply nodded. Lloyd gasped, taking a few terrified steps back. His eyes were wide and so was his mouth. "Kai…"

Kai continued, still not looking at him. "I'm sorry, kid. Turns out that I make mistakes. I'm not perfect. Who woulda guessed?"

"I know you aren't perfect." Lloyd stated, just barely avoiding stuttering. "Nobody is. What surprises me is that it's so unlike you to do something like tha-"

"Hey!" Kai snapped, finally turning his head to the boy. He had started approaching Kai again, almost placing a hand on his shoulder, but retracted his hand at the Red Ninja's sudden out burst. "I wasn't _too_ addicted to it. I gave it all up when we went to Chen's island. I haven't done anything illegal since. I haven't gone back to that damn life-wrecking place and I haven't done any drugs."

It took him a minute, but Lloyd flashed a smile and finished his earlier gesture of condoling. "Let's just be glad that it didn't wreck your life." Kai smiled. "Now, what about my other 'naive' statements?"

"Hmmm…" Kai taunted, "Let's discuss the whole 'I was a little kid back then...I'm older now' deal."

The Green Ninja creased his eyebrows. "What do you mean? That one I know was a true statement. You were there and saw what the Tomorrow's Tea did to me. Look at me, I'm not ten anymore."

Kai's lips spread into a straight line. "I know. Like you said, I was there. However you only told half the story. We saw the physical part of your ten-year-old body get turned into one not much younger than ours, but you're still the baby of the group."

Lloyd frowned, making Kai laugh. "I'm not a baby."

The brunette waved his statement off. "You know what I mean. You'll always be the kid to us, and although we'll tease you for it, well still treat you like an equal."

"Wait, so what half of the story did I not tell?" He asked, genuinely confused. Sometimes, his innocence amazed Kai.

"The mental and emotional halves." He said. He paused, scrunched up his face, then spoke again. "And for now we're going to pretend that three halves equal a whole."

Lloyd visibly tensed. His hand went to his earlobe and his eyes looked away. Child-like lying habits. "I don't know what you mean."

"Actually, you're just proving my point." Kai rebutted. Lloyd began to back away again, shifting his weight uncomfortably. Kai grabbed his arm and pulled him back. "You aren't going anywhere. I told you about what happened in that shady place with me — do me a huge favor and don't tell anyone about that! — so now I'm going to force you to talk because you _are_ a child."

"I-I won't tell anyone about the gambling or the fights or the drugs, I promise." He said, nervously. His tone was completely different in his next sentence, sounding angry instead. "And I'm not a kid, so I'll just go back in."

Kai nearly screamed in frustration. Dealing with kids could be so hard. He felt sorry for any he might have some day. He settled with slamming his fist on the railing, startling the blonde and making him turn around to face Kai. "Seriously Lloyd, listen. Yes, physically you're almost as old as I am. But you aren't in your mind and you know that, damn it!"

Lloyd only managed to stumble through his words as a response. The man didn't know how to respond to his mentor-figure calling him out like that. Eventually, an intelligent sentence left his mouth. "I'm just fine."

"No, you aren't and you need to stop pretending that you are." Kai told him, his angry words slowly growing more firm rather than angry. "You're trying too hard to act older than you should, just because some stupid tea made you _look_ older. You're trying to grow up too fast because you think you need to."

"W-What else was I supposed to do?" Lloyd asked. He sounded tired and vulnerable, meaning that Kai's talk was hitting home. Thank goodness it was Kai who had this talk with Lloyd and not someone else, or they would have received much more resistance and a much stronger, tougher reaction. "I'm the Green Ninja."

Kai closed his eyes as Lloyd words finally put the pieces of the puzzle together. It was _their_ fault he acted like he did, not his own. When Lloyd first became the Green Ninja, they were always reminding him of how important he was — often not letting him fight because of it — and putting heaps of pressure on him by emphasizing how amazingly strong he needed to be and how child things would more or less be a thing of the past. _I'm sorry._ "Nobody cares."

Lloyd stuck his almost-numb hands into his jacket pockets. "What do you mean? I'm pretty sure too many people care, judging by the fangirls, TV shows, and such."

"That's not what I mean. I meant that _we_ don't care about the Green Ninja thing." The Master of Fire tried to explain. It didn't work. "Damn, I'm not good with words… Look Lloyd, we're here for you and you've known that ever since the weapons reacted to you."

Lloyd nodded. "I know, you guys are there to protect the Green Ninja. But that doesn't mean I should just sit back and make you guys do all the fighting if I can help it."

"We aren't here just to protect you." Kai copied Lloyd's earlier gesture of putting his hand in the younger man's shoulder. "You were, and still are, a kid. So we're also your mentors, counselors, and friends. We're here for you to talk to when the pressure is too much or if you need a good cry."

The whole time Kai gave his mini-speech, he saw Lloyd tear up more and more. But, Kai could tell, he hid it the best he could and refused to cry. But Kai was dealing blow after blow right where the younger Garmadon was weakest and knew he wouldn't hold up much longer at the rate things were going. "I'm fine, Kai. I don't cry like a child anymore."

"Is that why you're pretending not to be affected?" Kai asked, hoping to get another point across while he was at it.

Kai saw the fear that shine through Lloyd's glassy eyes, but his reply was full of as much stoic denial as ever. "Affected by what? Are you talking about Morro? Other than the fact that he was evil, it wasn't that bad having him in my body." Kai didn't bother to respond to that and chose to, instead, continue glaring at him. Lloyd's voice wavered only for a moment when he spoke next. "I miss him."

Kai nodded. "We all do. It's okay to be upset. You lost your father. It's okay to be sad. It's normal to be angry for no reason. It's okay to cry." He told his teary-eyed friend. "I've been through the whole grief thing multiple times. One of the hardest was when I lost _my_ parents. I cried, a lot, when Nya wasn't around."

"But you were a kid, so it was okay."

"Damn it!" Kai shouted again, causing a whimper to escape from Lloyd. He claimed himself down enough to speak again. "It doesn't matter if you're a kid or an adult. Someone _died._ It was your _father._ You didn't have a problem crying when Zane died!"

Lloyd shifted again. "But it was okay because you guys did too."

"It doesn't matter!" Kai was getting so frustrated. "Lloyd, I don't know what else to say to get this through your stubborn head! Adults cry too. I have, Zane has, hell I'd bet even Cole has. You've seen us all cry at Zane's funeral and I doubt that'll be the last time. Stop this nonsense, Lloyd." Lloyd didn't react. "I don't know what else to say if you think I'm lying, but I promise you I'm not."

Lloyd nodded. Kai was about to walk away and watch some television when he felt something nearly tackle him to the ground. His instinct was to push whoever was on him off of him and attack, but his eyes managed to see that it was Lloyd before he did. The younger was hugging Kai and Kai returned it. He heard sniffling and water drip onto his shoulder. It only took him a short moment to realize that Lloyd was crying.

"It's...my...fault…" he sobbed.

Kai patted his back, comforting the little kid that had been scarily trapped inside an adult body with the weight of the world on his shoulders. "What's your fault?"

"I miss him so much and it's my fault he's gone!" Lloyd sobbed on, his voice growing louder as well as his sobs. It seemed like Kai had finally gotten through to him that people wouldn't be mad if he cried, so Lloyd was loudly letting it all out.

"I know it feels like that, but that's normal as well." Kai consoled. "When my parents died, I was always blaming myself. I thought that there was something I could have done to prevent it, and I spent the rest of my childhood thinking that way. You can probably guess who it was that convinced me otherwise."

Lloyd's hand twitched a bit. "Nya?"

Kai shook his head. "Sensei and your father actually. And when Zane died, I felt super guilty. That time, I was almost positive that I could have done something; that all of us could have done something. It is our job to keep everyone safe and to fight that bastard, the Overlord. But...I don't know. I guess I kinda forgot about it as I got sucked deeper and deeper into that illegal fighting and gambling, and I was too busy when I started being the middle man. And I just _didn't care_ after I started taking some of those drugs."

Lloyd shook his head, inhaling deeply and sniffling loudly. "No...no it's actually my fault... _I'm_ the one who sent him to that stupid freaking Cursed Realm. _I_ read the spell. _I_ banished him. And before you say anything else, yes _I'm_ indirectly responsible for his death. If he wasn't inside the Preeminent then he wouldn't be dead."

Kai sighed. "Kid, it's not your fault that Nya drowned the Preeminent. There was nothing you could have done. When it happened, you were still off in another realm." Lloyd continued to tremble and Kai was practically supporting all of his weight at this point. If he still had a body to match his age, it wouldn't have been a problem. But he had an adult body and his muscle mass wasn't helping either. He wished he had Cole's super strength.

He felt Lloyd's head shake and his sobs only got thicker and heavier. Kai heard him muttering under his breath. "No, no, no, no…" Over and over again, only saying the one word. The brunette was starting to have a sneaking suspicion that there was more to the story that he wasn't being told. He pushed Lloyd off of him gently to look directly at him. His face was pink and he wiped his nose with his sleeve. He looked small and young, just like he was.

"Lloyd," he began soft and slowly, "what are you not telling me?"

Tears dripped onto the floor of the _Bounty_ but he had long ago given up resistance, he gave trying to hide stuff from the older ninja."I went inside of the Preeminent. I saw him."

"What?" Kai exclaimed. He was sure that he had heard Lloyd wrong.

"When...when she pulled me inside of her...inside Ronin's old pawn shop. I was _actually_ inside of the Cursed Realm. I saw my father, and I talked to him." Lloyd looked at the floor, squeezing his eyes and fists shut. "He refused to leave. He told me to defeat her anyway. He told me that he would always be with me."

Kai frowned. "I-I'm sorry, kid. You had just gotten over cursing him. Musta sucked to see him again right before he died."

"He told me that he would always be with me...but I want him to _actually_ be here! And so does Mom!" He shouted. Kai felt his chest hurt. Both when Lloyd had cursed him and when Nya drowned the Preeminent Lloyd had barely seemed affected. When Sensei Garmadon got cursed, Lloyd had taken a vacation grieving period, which is why the ninja had to deal with Ronin almost all by themselves. But, after Garmadon was killed, he hadn't even had _that_ much of a reaction. He had comforted Misako and, to a certain extent, Sensei Wu.

He could only imagine how hard it was on Misako. She lost her husband (after he got cursed directly after they were in a fight over his past) and then her son wasn't allowing himself to grieve. It pained Kai. She had been through so much, all because she fell in love with Garmadon. Kai sighed. "I'm sorry," he repeated, "I really am. I can comfort you as much as you want, but I can't bring back the dead. If I could…" he trailed off.

"Just do me a favor." Kai told him. Lloyd looked back up at him and opens his eyes. "Allow yourself some time. Remember, you're allowed to feel sad or angry. You're allowed to grieve and miss your dad. Just because you're the Green Ninja, doesn't mean you need to be happy and powerful _all_ the time. You're, more-or-less, a twelve-year-old kid."

Lloyd managed to crack a weak smile and utter something akin to a 'thank you' before the smile faded. He stared at Kai. His crying seemed to have stopped, which scared Kai. That means there was something else even _worse_ bothering him. Kai shivered in the cold of night, taking a deep breath and warmed himself the best he could with his inner fire. "Kai?" Lloyd finally spoke up, never stopping eyeing him.

"Wazzup Greenie?" Suspicion rang clear in his voice.

"How much…" Lloyd coughed, his vice raw from his frame-raking sobs earlier. "Back when we were fighting against Master Chen and he took away my green power...you said something…"

This time, it was Kai's turn to be paralyzingly scared. This was why it had felt awkward to talk to him. This was why there was always a secret tension between the two of them, even when they fought Morro. This was the subject he was trying to avoid bringing up ever again. "I said a lot of things that day, some more embarrassing than others." Kai almost felt his face heat up at the memory of his confession of falling for Skylor right in front of her. "What did I say that's bothering you."

Lloyd's gaze turned as focused and as firm as he could make it, but he was too emotionally drained to look intimidating. Kai humored him anyway, taking a couple steps left. "You and I both know what happened."

Kai closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He, knowing that Lloyd wouldn't let it go after the stunt that Kai just pulled, decided that he wanted to get the inevitable conversation with over as fast as he could. "Let's just forget it ever happened. It was a while ago. It shouldn't even matter anymore."

"But it does." Lloyd said. He was almost back to normal, his emotional turmoil put behind him until later. He cleared his throat, sneezed, and Kai figured he was back to dealing with normal Lloyd Garmadon. "It matters to me."

"And?"

"And," Lloyd began, "you just finished telling me all about how I could come to you guys about whatever is bugging me, and this has been weighing on my mind since it happened."

Kai shook his head, anger building again. _Wow, the others were right. I am quick to anger._ "What do you want me to say, Lloyd?" Lloyd responded with a shrug of his shoulders. "That's not an answer. You brought it up and you can't just shrug it off now!"

After an awkward minute of silence, Lloyd spoke again. "How much of it was the staff talking, and how much of it was you?"

Kai wanted to storm away. He wanted to go sleep on his bed and wake up in the morning and eat breakfast just like usual. He used all of his willpower to stay rooted to where he was, reminding himself that if this was what Lloyd needed to make himself treat himself better...then that's what Kai would do. "The staff made me say it, but...the staff didn't make me lie."

"What are you saying K-"

"I'm saying that I thought I was supposed to be the Green Ninja!" He admitted. He honestly hadn't thought much about it ever since they defeated the Great Devourer until that day in Chen's ritual room. Then they had just pretended it never happened, and as they got caught up fighting Morro it managed to slip his mind again. But apparently, it hadn't slipped Lloyd's mind.

Lloyd glanced around the deck and it took Kai a moment to figure out why. He had a good reason to, because with all the yelling and crying they've been doing, it'd be a miracle if anyone wasn't snooping. "Kai, I...I don't know what to…"

Kai lifted his hand to science the youth. "Nothing. You don't have to say anything. I just thought I was going to be the Green Ninja. I worked my ass off for it day and night and, secretly, I originally thought that was why I wasn't able to ditch the ninja lifestyle. But all of hard work was for nothing because you got the job."

"Kai-"

"Can you imagine how you would feel?" Kai asked rhetorically. "Working so hard for something for hours on end, and _truly believing_ that it was your destiny and that you could _be someone_ , and then having some bratty kid waltz in and get the job without so much as breaking a sweat?"

Lloyd lowered his head again. "I'm sorry… I didn't know that I was such a…"

Lloyd began to walk away but stopped when Kai shouted over to where he was. "But I'm pretty much over it now, kid! I've been over it! The only reason the staff made me say that was because it was playing with tiny insecurities I had! I'm honestly not mad at you anymore! I'm extremely glad that I saved you in the volcano that day instead of the Fang Blade!"

Lloyd looked over his shoulder and smiled. "Thanks." He yawned. "This conversation isn't over, but I'm too tired to care anymore tonight. I've had a long couple of hours out here with you, but it sure did me lots of good. Thank you, Kai. You're a great friend and a true brother."

"You've grown much more mature, Lloyd. I know we just had. A huge conversation about how you're still a kid, but you're still very mature for your age. I don't know many twelve-year-olds that would be able to make some of the decisions you have. Your decision to hyper-age just so we'd be able to go back to being adults, fighting your own father and be willing to kill him for Ninjago, banishing him for the sake of Ninjago, staying in another realm while the guy who possessed you was defeated...you're a courageous, smart, kind kid. Your father must be so proud." Kai ranted. He took a deep breath afterward.

"Thanks, Kai." Lloyd smiled.

Kai watched as Lloyd walked the rest of the way into the ship. He smiled. For all the terrible things that have happened in his life, there has been just as many — if not more — great things. His parents getting married, Nya being born, meeting his brothers, learning Spinjitzu and, later, Airjutzu. He remembered meeting the other Elemental Masters, meeting Skylor (Kai made a mental note to giver her a call later), and more. He was excited, if not a little anxious, about what the future had in store for him and his fellow ninja. He was snapped out of his dream-like state by someone yelling other than him or Lloyd.

"Hey!" He heard Jay's voice call. "If you're done with whatever heart-to-heart you're having with Lloyd out there, get your butt in here! Zane made pies!"

Kai ran inside and over to the table where, just as promised, delicious smelling pies sat. One of which already had a large bite taken out of it. All of their gazes fell on Cole who laughed nervously. "I'm hungry?"

Jay let out a 'gah' sound and then sighed in defeat, resigning to fist-bumping his ghost bestfriend. "Zane's cooking is even better than the food on Misfortune's Keep!"

"Mis-a-whatta-who-now?"' Cole questioned.

Jay face palmed and groaned. "Never mind."

Everyone broke out into laughter, even Kai himself as well as Zane, and the five of them (Lloyd wasn't there, he was in bed) hung out and ate the pies, later earning a scolding from Misako for eating so much and from Wu for not saving him a piece. Yes, these guys (and girl) were quite the handful to hang out with, but they were his best friends, his brothers and sister. He loved them all to death.

And he wouldn't have it any other way.


End file.
